my louvre ticket

You do the cutest things,
things I can't do anything about but stop and admire.
I adore being around you,
I love watching your every single move and gesture,
but this so-called 'perfect-image' of you has been broken, I think.

I don't know how I'll react if I would see for myself one day, what they say about you.
I think I'll cry, because in fact, you made me think a perfect creature existed so close to where I am.
It's almost like watching your dreams as they're being crushed into little pieces.
Again, this is the reality.

But it's not like you care, I make up such a small part of your life.
A strand of hair on your head would be the equivalent of the significance of me?
Would I even be of any importance?
Which reminds me, for I should have completely no say in how you wish to lead your life.

You're an art piece in the Louvre,
I'm just but one out of the I-dont-know-how-many-visitors they get per year.
I pass by, and get caught up by the aesthetically beautiful features, again, one out of the billion who's done the same in the past.
I'm not particularly rich, and have no plans in bidding you off from the exhibits, I could only keep staring, so long as my ticket is still valid.
='[
The validity period slips by each day...
I do know you're leaving the end of this year.
And we'll only ever remain in this relation, forever.
*sigh*

- <3 Bee

target of humiliation

I'm not used to losing.
In fact, I hate the idea of losing.

I'm being pin-pointed at, targeted for humiliation in a group,
and I know that,
the hinting, in combination with self realisation, makes everything pretty frickin' obvious.
Should I take it a step further and quit, just to put a stop to this, since I don't really belong there anyway.
Would anyone appreciate my involvement anyway?
"Our abilities are sloping, the standards of _ are descending"
Yes I know you're talking about me.

*sigh*

=[

- <3 Bee

Me, as of now.

Recently, I've started to have doubts about my positioning amongst my friends, my social group. I feel as if its been shifting, jerked aside even. A part of me has done something which I'm not sure about, but it's certainly let me down. Nothing feels worse than slipping down from the very top, I'd rather spend my whole life climbing non-stop.

And then its my love life - which I have an involvement of 1%?
I don't like the rumours given off from him, but not like this whole crush was appropriate to start with, so I might as well just die off. Its hard though =[
I'm waiting for my days to come around again...

BUT, life isn't as dark as it seems, I'm really quite happy otherwise. The art trip is coming up, as well as the Harry Connick Jr. Hong Kong tour :] I can't wait!

And at least I know I have people caring for me. I'm very very fortunate.

thank you to everyone who's out there to make my days brighter than they otherwise would be!

- <3 Bee

How about feeling relieved?

Satisfaction comes to me in all forms,

but most of the times, its really about when I'm feeling the most comfortable being in my own shoes. This, I've felt today, and is not something I've felt in quite a while, and which was quite unexpected, considering that I was still mumbling and quivering about how much of a disaster the day is turning out.

Well, turns out I'm wrong, but I'm happy to be wrong in this case.

I won't exactly call this a reconcilation, but I've definitely started mixing cement to fill an old crack on a pavement, or cutting down a tree to try and fix a plank in a house...

I've had interactions with my dad.

Truly amazing.

Despite my many aunts and cousin's unsucessful attempts throughout the day of trying to reconcile my dad and I, I have a personal feeling that it was the power of grandma, who lies beneath the earth of the little hill on the remote island. I think she did it, knowing her abilities in keeping us all together.

Hmm...

then it was also being present at a party, a good dinner with ma famille...

so thank you, whoever out there who's taken part in making my day a good one

- <3bee

Leaving so soon?

Starry Night by Vincent Van Gogh

Nothing is guaranteed,
there are always other possibilities because people are all different.
Looks like you've made a choice that you have to move on with your life and I guess that's good?
I've not been after the wrong guy, I've always liked men with an objective, a vision the their life.

You were amazing on stage today, really, I could not be happier to see you perform so well :]

God, its just that the news came in so suddenly, I thought I was about to lose it when. I think this is another one of those signs, telling me the jumble-jitters I currently have in my mind would only remain that way, and be able to go no further.

Hmm, wrecked plans for tomorrow. My dad finally called to drag me out of the house tomorrow, when I've already got an event scheduled for Sunday. Great job there, dad, you might as well tell me tomorrow morning. It took you 4 weeks or more for you to get over that dumb email I've sent you. GG.

Sometimes I feel tired with the many twists and turns in life, but then I realise, what fun would it be to lead a life that's but a straight drive on the highway?

"...as they always say, 'the room's always darkest before you turn on the lights'..."
I'll always remember this line.

- <3 Bee

Homework uptight!

I haven't written in a while, I know.
Here's my reason: this past school week's been hectic and it's been hell for me, having a large assignment due in every school night. I've not slept earlier than 3am, and we all know that its not exactly the most perfect sleep time...

But then today's Friday and I finally have a weekend for myself :]
I really need a de-stressing period, such as the upcoming art trip. Boy I'm really really looking forward to this!

The sleep deprivation is haunting me with its bad tempers and constant mind-blocks...I've not exactly been a very patient person, often resulting in emotional breakouts or arguments.

This is annoying me, I really don't have someone realistic I could look forward to, all I could think of is him and I'm more than old enough to understand that its not quite realistic. This is so selfish of me - my mind is telling me that I need someone to be with so that I have a vision in life, so that the 'rights' and enthusiasm could be once again injected into my veins.
=\

Laters.

Ooh i'm excited for tomorrow, "Anything Goes". G'luck, Mr.Frost!

-<3 Bee

All for nothing.

For a person with optimism, its extremely hard to lose faith in the idea that dreams do come true,
and therefore not stop hoping.
I'm in that exact position now, having dreams come true most of the times in the past, I'm finally getting a taste of what it means to live in the real world. I've learned that, in the real world, we're not supposed to expect that the events that we feel are 'supposed' to happen would happen. You don't always get it your way because there are so many people to satisfy at once. A bit late, I know, but life lesson learned nonetheless.

I've worked my butt off on a math project that I thought I'd score well on, so as to give myself a chance to score well on one math assessment for the first time...turns out this 'demo' was not even taken in, it was but a peer assessment where no marks have been recorded. What's better is that I've just received yet another math assignment, this time the formal portfolio task.

Then, for the EE session, I didn't really get the supervisor I wanted =\
Not to say that what I have now is bad, but I'd certainly be happier if I have got my own teacher.

Gosh I can't wait till Harry Connick Jr. comes, and the art trip!
Oh right, I'm not supposed to hope for too much, right?

Gee, what is it with being realistic?

- <3 Bee