Don't take happiness for granted, Mama said.

The times have changed.

Things are different to how they used to be, you know?
How complicated could a 16 year old's life get? Is it so that teens nowadays have to be able to handle both academic subjects and emotional needs in the most well rounded way? What are we, super-teens?

On the other hand, I'm thanking god that the latter parts of life are falling into track. I hope I don't make a fool out of myself during the trip to Spain, not as much as I've done in past overseas trips. I guess I have an issue with going abroad - I'm just never emotionally satisfied. There are bound to be things that ruin the trip for me, not because I'm not happy with the less facilitated or anything.

All I can say I'm wishing for the best when I'm...at the bottom of a dark pit, emotionally speaking.

may everyone on the world be happy for a day :]

- <3 Bee

These are the IB days...

The IB system is challenging, this we've been told since day one.

but only upon receiving my grades for my math round-up test did I know that I'm about to get a grade 2 for the subject. Its actually possible to fail a subject so badly.
'Drop to studies', people say and many have done, so why am I still holding onto the edge of something that is clearly too challenging for me? I think its an attempt to be able to lease myself to a better British university upon graduation, since almost all decent universities require Math Standard + so studies is not an option.

Now that I've got all the other subjects under control, math breaks out on me. Maybe I should really go for tuition classes or really just put in a bit more of time and effort into the subject. I know, I've not even tried and it is unfair how I'm willing to put in much more for the others than this. The weakest would only become weaker if not cured.

Its been a rather stressy day for me, having finished off my econ essay at 3 in the morning last night, slept for a mere 2 hours before facing a full scheduled school day. I was not in a good mood =\
I could feel myself breathing fire on people throughout the day, ugly ugly tempers, and then I received the letter when I reached home...

Life could be a bitch sometimes.

- <3 Bee

faded colours

Is it fading away already, this crazy crush of mine?
I could still feel my cheeks flush when I talk to you,
but its that somewhere deep down, something is stopping me from fantasizing any further.
Maybe its the effect given off when dreams are thrashed and trashed in your presence.
I have to say, you still do give off this yummy charismatic charm.
I hope this affection would last, I could really feel it assisting me through my academic fields of interest, as well as self development. With you, I'm more aware of my situation in terms of strengths and weaknesses.

Perhaps I'm just too desperate.
I know nothing would start under this situation, but yet I really couldn't help but be the way I am.

---------------------------------------
Dinner was wonderful, dining al fresco, watching the sun set with a bunch of my closest's :]
Thank you all.

PS- the university counseling session was rather discouraging.

- <3 Bee

Back to Monday

As of yesterday afternoon, I've done something rather irresponsible that's left me in guilt,
On a Thursday too, some weeks ago.

Is this the sign of me proceeding into my teen years? Are we supposed to have conflicts with elders because we could never seem to have the stuff to agree with each other? A common explaination would, of course, be hormones. So what if the body is altering a bit with things on the inside, it shouldn't drastically change who I am and worsen my tempers.
I haven't been in touch for my dad for three weeks now, gg.
Looks like I've inherited the genes for being stubborn!

I've wasted my day into producing not much, my parents are right, I do have to move myself back onto the right sleeping schedule. Its getting retarded, I slept at 4 o'clock in the morning, waking up at 12:45 this afternoon. What a life.
Well then, if it wasn't for that, I wouldn't have been cooking myself pasta for the first time. Not bad, I have to say, thanks to the pre-made pesto sauce in the fridge.

Hmm various birthdays are coming up and its time, again, to think of what to give. I've thought of baking my gran a nice cake, how bout Nicole + Janice? (dears, I'm awfully excited for your cocktail dress party!).

Boy I wish this weekend was longer, it feels like I've a lot to do this upcoming week and I'm not prepared for school to resume yet.

=\

- <3 Bee

Erasing Memories.

Just recently, I've defined my Saturdays as the most enjoyable day of the week,
I'm able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, without too much constraints.
Time doesn't fly especially fast, not even if the moments are relatively enjoyable...

So then, I was looking back at the old text conversations on my phone
and eventually scrolled up to those with my ex.
'Ah, the past' I thought,
Bittersweet was the word that's popped up in my head.
The view I have on my old records so far?
Blind but beautiful I guess.
As they always say, 'never try, never know', so I guess I've taken my turn.
Though I think its fair to say not everything was pretty and happy,
these memories were still the past, and they keep coming up to me.
I guess, some of these things I shouldn't dwell onto so much
so I took the first step out today and did something heartless,
like deleting them.
Its the first step to prepping myself up to look upon a new page in life,
easing myself away from the past may be hard,
but it'll be harder if I didn't take these small procedures.
And, no matter what,
I feel that what has to be remembered would always remain in the heart and mind.

-----------------------------------------------------

I think I've been moving out a little too far from my normal social circle,
somehow I don't seem to be as tight with my friends and family as I did.
Do I blame my destiny, for not giving me opportunities to draw my close to them?
What could it be, this change in me?

Perhaps I'm just trying too hard to impress sometimes.

- <3 Bee

Don't have to be the best

Just got back our test scores.
Yeah, the round-up math test,
I failed badly, having received a 29%...
but am I depressed because of that?
NO.
I think I dealt with it pretty well, though its not to say that I wasn't even a bit unhappy,
'course I was, no one would be happy to watch themselves screw up, right?

Hmm...but something else has definitely been bothering me -
I think its the fact that I've completely lost contact with my dad ever since CNY.
I've already told myself that there was no way I'm going to give in and start finding him.

Problem number 2 was ofcourse, the discovery. I saw them together again! I'm starting to doubt myself even more now =\

oh well, here comes the weekends. I should take this opportunity to loosen up a bit. I needdd thissss.

- <3 Bee