Why?

I thought I was the manipulative one,

but no, there's always this initial stage where I get driven around, all boy crazy and shit.

I hate this.

You bring me on the craziest rides, an emotional rollercoaster with so fluctuative a path that it's inhuman. What is wrong with you men?

And all this ofcourse means that I'm just too sensitive to everything you do,

gotta learn to stop because it's getting creepy.

Am I turning into someone people would classify as a stalker?

=\

B.

Random ranting/thoughts.

Things that are currently killing me:

#1. My Ankles

I didn't have proper black shoes that aren't heels, and I almost never wear heels, so the day I wore black tie, I wore those horrid, torturous shoes and my ankles are still suffering due to all the blisters that have been popped.

#2. Missing you

Haven't been round for a month, and we haven't really had the chance to talk (which I suspect that you've made an effort to eliminate the chances of that happening, parts of the time) so not only do I miss you, but you've left me hanging on the cliff as to trying to figure whether we're both opting for the same thing.

#3. Brass strings on the guitar

Just begun my lessons, and I chose to have a brass stringed guitar because it's timbre was more appauling to my ear. Unfortunately, my fingers apparently, disagree and disapprove of them. So strongly that I think I've bruised the fingertips of my fretting hand, from practicing.

#4. The thought of my dad

As always.

#5. Situational Dillemma

I want to leave this place asap, yet there are so many things I know I should fix up before I depart. Yet I don't want to face up with some of these problems. Yet I should. Yet. Yet..yet.

#6. My inability to manage my own finances

Self-explanatory.

However,

I know that in the recent past, fate has put me in a position in which I was able to see the world from the perspectives of those (much) less fortunate, and that I'm in absolutely no reason to complain. Trust me, I'm actually thankful for what I have with me today.

Sure, I may be insecure on certain things, but at least I get the help I need so I would eventually get through and get by in a relatively well-off situation.

So thank you, whoever's up there and rolling the dice for me and my life.

I know luck doesn't last forever, and I will work hard to repay those I owe.

B.

There must be more to this in life.

Being in love means

getting so happy to get your message that

I could forgo eye makeup for today,

because I know someone likes me the way I am.

I miss you :)

B.

Only as it's been spoken,

do I realise that I'm still who I am.

Though my recent behaviour may state that

I've moved on to becoming someone who remains a casual attitude

on the topic of relationships,

as far as I understand,

I haven't.

I've done things that would not be considered proper by some,

but though they didn't quite last,

those moments were remembered.

I don't just let anyone come to me,

without being attracted in the first place.

And I still long for a relationship that carries substance,

expecting exchanges of knowledge,

instead of just pure physical needs.

I get attached.

summer - a season of separation?

Well you done done me,

And you bet I felt it.

I tried to chill,

but you're so hot that I melted.

I fell right through the cracks,

and I'm trying to get back.

--

I miss you so bad,

it's gross.

Why are all summers the indication of separation?

Or distance.

I want to bring in some meaning to this one, eventhough it may not last.

8 more days.

Fast forward this week please.

B.

I'm scared to face another day,

'Cause the fear in me won't walk away,

In an instance,

You were gone,

And I am scared.

--

Are you avoiding me?

It's a wake up call, telling me we're not what I thought we were.

And it's alright,

Really.

x