Moment of transition

On a gloomy day which grey clouds conceal matters overhead,

the moment of change arrives as sunlight is let through once again.

This gaseous, glowing sphere doesn't expose itself all at once,
but like a girl that timidly sweeps open the shower curtain as she exposes herself,
its rays are leashed out in a crescendo of these earthly delights,
so to preserve and prolong the high impact of the glimmering.

I've made my first step,
I hope this would be a revelation,
a chance to rise out from the mess I've left in our past.

I'm learning to stand and walk on my own two feet again,
with utter impatience though,
as I consider my disadvantaged condition.

"Jane and I" will go do this...
"Jane and I"will meet you there

All the "Jane and I" this "Jane and I" that
is fucking
driving me
nuts.

You are the reason to my insecurity.
fuck this.
fuck my life.

Hey Mr.Curiosity

Being blessed with beauty, it's a good thing isn't it:
you get a life that would fulfill your egoistic appetite,
encounters with men,
would be appreciated just for making an appearance,
making quite an impression from the first glance of you...

So?

This doesn't provide any guarantee for her heart.
Dug out from deep down the earth,
it's sad and lonely.
How nice a face looks doesn't tell of anyone's past.

Like l'inconnue de la Seine, the very face people have been fond of for centuries,
molded of and replicated thousands of times...
it is actually the face of a girl that chose to give her life to the famous river,
at just the age of 16.

I feel so hollow.
Cold, lonely and insecure.

it's my first time.

These are the golden years,
the age of irresponsibility,
of experiments - physical and psychological,
of experience...

the coming of age sounded wonderful in the distance, as freedom seemed to be granted for the better - so we could make our own 'right' decision.
The time comes and I refrain from taking in all the pressure.
I wish to crawl into a time machine, redo and remake the past...

Brewing fruit teas in elegant English teapots,
Pies and cakes neatly sliced and slapped on dessert plates,
For an hour or two,
Life is at ease.

Counting back at the old times, the significant montages of our childhood,
The connection, like a wall built around the involved is surely unbeatable,
Only thickening through time.
What's echoing within the strong bounds of the growing friendship would be the pleasures of listening to the queer perspectives and making mutual agreements as we reminisce that of the past.

While I know I'm not completely satisfied with the true state of our bonds yet,

Friendship forever.

I can't help but linger on about the past.

Finding the equilibrium, life on Earth.

The earth doesn't rotate around you, neither does it rotate around me. We all want our ways, and would begin the ritual of blame when we are failed upon our hopes, aspirations and dreams. What if there was success, who do the credits go to? Anywhere beyond ourselves?

The equilibrium between what goes and doesn't go well with our plans that happen within our lifetime, the balance between success and the failures,
is this what is known as the beauty of life?

Tipping over the stairs and breaking a leg, that surely sounds unfortunate. What if, the attending nurse for when you broke your leg becomes the love of your life, how does that sound now?
So to say, without the highs, there wont be the lows. Pain is non-existent until pleasure has been experienced.

I wonder when am I to leap out this phase then.

Love for a child

If you get the chance, listen to Jason Mraz's song,
'Love for a Child',
its lyrics are heartfelt, especially under my circumstances,
though they've not all happened on myself yet, it paints a perfect picture of reality for children of divorced families.

----------------


Why is it that we only ever know of something's true value until...
we've lost it?

I've recently lost the freedom of communicating with my dad one-on-one.
No more daddy and daughter time.
I'm not yet stepping into the phase of hating my step mom (and unborn step brother) for this, but I'm really not sure how long this would last.
I want to do something decent for once, yet I've to face up with the reality that chances do not wait, and what fate puts in front of my is that m pregnant stepmom, in her stage of immobility, is unable to accompany us on the journey, and hence, such an action would not be made by the whole group.

Wouldn't the better solution have been to just leave the mom for several hours so the father and daughter could have their lovely time off?

I hate the role I'm playing in this one: sad lonely poor little rich girl,
unsatisfied when things don't go her way...
when in fact it's my father who's screwed up more of my life at very large time intervals.

I hope to see the day that I would no longer care about who gets who and who gets what, because my life is so satisfying the way it is. And better so, good enough so I could provide to those who've been of insufficient support to me over those years, so their souls could crumble upon the realisation of so.

For now,
FML!

How far would you go?

Whenever a friend puts up a request, jolting for help, how far are you, as their friend, willing to go to fulfill the other person's wills?
It depends who it is, does it not?

Then, second question, what if it's a one-way friendship?
Knowing that you like them > they like you, do you still do what they ask of you, given that the benefactors are purely them? In other words, it's as if being committed to a contract that would bind you to loss, yet, you are most willing to give into this.

Don't get me wrong, it's not as ugly as it sounds in that metaphor, but lately I feel that I've been eased into a different circle of people: only on my 7th year in this place do I realise which people I should be with, so if conforms to, or resembles closer to the traits I look forward to seeing when I'm committed to a friendship. I like deep friendships, so the person I be with is not only able to commute with me on the superficial level, but also commute in terms of the heart and soul...a connection more like. I'm willing to let out that last secret window on the Johari window, had it no effects on our relationship.

So still, why do I cling onto people/things that I dream of converting/achieving, when I know perfectly well that it's out of my reach?

You're not that worth it, not from what you've proven to me at least: I'm always the giver. You stick to whoever would give you direct benefits like a magnet does to metal.
So much for being bffs.

-Bee

Live high, live mighty, live righteously.

Despite my busy school schedule in terms of having to meet more than a humanly-capable amount of deadlines this week, I still went to see Jason Mraz last night:
he was like nothing I've seen before. The music was almost godly.
Who knew some music sound better live?
Not amongst the majority of the current age singers anyway.

The music is like an instant lift to life, their laid back and true-to life lyrics teach us not to look forward to striving for the idealistic situations, but rather, find perfection in what we already have, and feel satisfied.

Which is a cliche, since I've just paid 600 bucks to see him.

Anyway,
if I'm ever going to get married, I want someone I could communicate with, musically, as well as the mental.

oh let me escape from this horrible student life. IB is a torture.