The beauty of human beings are the kind of man power we are able to generate,

if we're willing to work together.

But then again,

the ultimate goal of this,

is always yet to excel in another competition or combat an opponent.

We are supposed to help men who fall down,

because we're in a better-off position.

But what if that means risking your own standing,

in that by making the effort to assist others,

there is a possibility you might fall

or graze your knee in the process?

To what extent is a deed done considered charitable,

before it would become an exploitation and abuse of another's ability to help?

Had I given you my work now,

would you become self-sustainable in the future,

or would we live in symbiosis,

but one that would evolve to the degree where it eventually gets parasitic?

Excuse my coming-out of my ugly nature,

but who would live just to feed another

without getting anything (they genuinely want) in return?

So should I,

or should I not?

B

The taste of defeat is bitter,

but will prove to be the greatest reminder of insufficient efforts in time.

I'm sorry I let the team down,

from now on, I will try and take this

all more seriously, just like everyone else does.

B.

"Girl stood on the rocks with the water at her feet

the sun on her skin and a tear on her cheek

With her hand on her chest and the wind in her hair

Underneath her breath like a beggar's prayer she said

I miss you, come back to me

I wish you'd come back to me

But nobody heard

And the world turned and the world turned and the world turned"

Beautiful song.

It's scary how it relates so closely to my current situation.

I don't normally listen closely to the lyrics, not everytime I hear an unfamiliar song.

And then through chance encounter, because a line or two suits my mood,

I'll relapse that song over and over again, and with each listen, pick up more details.

And grow to love/hate that song because it describes me so well.

Do you get that?

--

Our weekend's come and gone by much much much too quickly.

From preparing for Nicky's arrival, to picking her up at the station, to lounging about last night...

then finally sending her off at the train.

SIGH SIGH SIGH,

Will miss you, best bud!

x

B.

"I've got a midnight bottle gonna drink it down

A one way ticket takes me to the times we had before

When everything felt so right

If only for tonight I've got a midnight bottle gonna ease my pain

Fron allthese feelings' driving me insane

When I'm with you and everything's alright,

if only for tonight,

'Cause lately I've been stumbling feels like I'm recovering

But I think it's only for tonight."

I miss you.

B.

I went and trained for two hours straight today,

eventhough I came home dead tired from school already

and had to scoff down dinner in order to make it,

it was well worth it.

Its been too long since I've done any intensive sports,

too long to be of any good to my body.

Now I could feel the spirit reliving in me;

a hardcore session brings away all worries

and at that moment the outside world is at an unknown state.

Being on the court is like being sent off for a space mission :)

Should do this more often,

it feels awesome.

B.

learning to cope with your absence.

I should learn how to lead this new life on my own, right?

Here it goes again, you reappearing at the most unexpected, then disappearing off.

Or should I just assume that you're part of my history.

Stop torturing my mind like this.

You need to be packed away into a box,

tucked far away into the corner of the cupboard like the stuffed animals of my earlier years,

those with missing buttons, loosening seams and faded fabrics.

B.

Remember our little allegory;

the one about pulling off band-aids?

You cling to my mind like the band-aid over a wound -

the fresher it is, the more painful it is to lift off.

With time, the pain is washed off because the glue wears away.

It only stays because the injured wants it to stay on,

otherwise,

with a little flip up of the corner,

it peels off like a post-it,

painless, mark-less, traceless.

I choose to be a keeper,

because?

B.

It's always like this,

just when I've gotten to my upmost limit of pathetic-ness

and decide to give up dreaming,

you tune my positive energy back up.

And you're back again.

Now you're not,

I don't know what to do with you.

The build up is hollow, like foam,

so I have no solid footing to set foot on.

One of these days it'll all burst,

and I'll fall from the sky.

You keep telling me we're like the pair in Ladyhawke,

finally got round to watching it; indeed the whole concept is saddening.

Oh why oh why do you have to look so much like him too.

I think I'm about to go crazy.

"Cause you and I, get along for hours and on..."

screw that?

B.