Every Little Bit Counts

Ending a relationship makes things awkward,
so eventually the two individuals no longer take interest to talk to each other,
and as time passes by, the distance in between just grows.

After 6 months straight, my ex has finally put up the courage to talk to me,
it felt like a baggage, the weight of the world, lifted off from my shoulders.
But the freedom didn't really last for long,
for awkwardness still prevails in what has now become the grey area.

Again, certain queries, are unavoidably made:
they are unintentional and came to me subconsciously,
but they inevitably are questions.

Deep down, no doubt, the first one would be:
Where did the motivation come from? What's the drive?
Secretly wondering if he likes me, still.

What's to be expected,
is waiting all I could do for the while?

Daddy you're right, no form of pure friendship could exist between men and women,
I myself have only experienced very few,
they are precious.

<3

Since the previous school year,
several social problems (with 2 people) have dragged on into the start of this school year,
both involving two very valuable friends...
I'm so relieved that they're over now,
really!

It feels like having the earth taken from your shoulders in the case that you're Atlas,
and I just found out how much of the stress I've been experiencing was caused by them.
So people are really right when they say relationships could ruin your studies,
I guess I was confident to disapprove with that point until I've experienced a relationship as it was coming to an end,
the aftermath is what's painful, penetrative, utterly distracting...

At one point, I even thought this would drag on forever.

Thanks you two,

we all shall forgive and forget,
I'm going to take us seriously from now on, cherish every bit.

-Bee*

Insecurity.

Sometimes,
even the most self-assured individuals have the right to insecurity.

The confidence you see on their outside aren't everything:
they are but a tool to conceal their weaknesses - their fear of being unconfident, of being rejected.

And when even that oomph of confidence is gone,
the world could feel like its slowly dispersing into small particles,
being whipped away like a whiff of snow in a snowstorm.

I feel bare,
I feel like an unarmed soldier on a battlefield.

I'm feeling that way.

I need someone to get my back,
it is only that way that I could conquer just 'bout anything.
For if I die, at least I'd do it full of glory.

I hate losing.

Feeling beyond blue, approaching black.

So maybe all this is telling me I'm being unreasonable.
Being right is officially wrong, and therefore, bad.
And it is not necessary to have a heart, care for others, to be successful in this world.
One could be a spoilt brat, uncooperative (not saying mentally incapable), but still lead a good life.
Or what they call a good life anyway.

Great.

Sometimes I question my existence in this world,
eversince stepping into highschool.
Not exactly a social outcast,
but its just that I have this preference of order, of all-round agreements,
of proper-ness, that other people don't really seem to care about,
except a few individuals (not the mainstream anyway).

And so whenever an opinion is expressed,
me, being a strong minded person,
its me who has to feel intimidated.

I don't know where the school spirit's gone,
everyday I step into school, I feel like I've lost yet some more faith in it.
Why do they allow this kind of atmosphere to roam through the hallways?
Its spreading like a bacteria, a virus, all around.

Consider rebuilding the mentality of the student body before yet establishing a plan for another building or facility that's worth millions,

because this is what money could never buy back
( in fact I think it's us spoiled kids in the school that are causing it)

Seriously guys,
go out and have a look at the rest of the world,
look at what's outside...

then come back and live a life.