I've been watching them for several days now,

this blind man and his beautiful guide dog who I see outside my window,

taking breaks at the little plantation patch of green every now and then.

I can't help but think

how routined their lives must be;

the dog lives to serve it's owner,

the man in his darkness patiently waits throughout the 5 minutes the pet is released to run around and do his own thing.

Seeing how neither of them really have the life choice of not doing things routinely,

I will try and think twice before I next complain about how boring my life is.

And instead, maybe use the time to make it less so.

x

I give people the insight to the reality of things, blunt truths, whenever I feel its time they should see what's ahead - but when it comes to myself, why is it that the brain and its wall of immediate refusal towards failure...so stubborn?

We don't eat together anymore,

Don't see each other half as often,

It's okay ... I geddit.

But is avoidance really the solution?

Me sitting in front of my laptop, streaming Friends throughout dinner,

while pretending not to care about you/

having forgotten about you,

is that the way to go?

I miss us.

I hope you miss us too.

You just need to...

look me right in the eye;

and I'll do my part

hypnotise you,

confuse you,

get to you.

B.

Took me long enough to realise

that it doesn't take too much to make each moment perfect.

85% is done through being with the right people,

10% Being in the right place

5% for having the right mindset.

And you're ready to go!

Sometimes all it takes may just be chilling about,

long talks over the dining table over any matters in the world really

- and despite the blimmin' cold,

this connection between the minds also transfers a good degree of warmth.

B.

I don't need very much,

Just want to spend some time with you,

As lovers tend to do.

How long will this wait be?

x

Every now and then in life,

we get to points where we run into walls.

Long as we know it's a sign to turn back and walk on,

it's fine.

Just never, ever

stay,

keep attempting to barge through

thinking that determination is the key.

Baby, you'll just pointlessly get hurt.

"You live you learn

You love you learn

You cry you learn

You lose you learn

You bleed you learn

You scream you learn"

xx

B.

Every flower that blooms

will face the day it wilts,

the question is when?

Nothing is forever,

which is why time is precious.

I feel so guilty for leading you on.

In return, would Karma get back at me by forbidding me access to

the person of my dreams?

x

B.

First time I've slapped a guy.

Not the first time I gave someone the finger.

But the first time I've meant it so much, and it was directed at this guy I've slapped.

First time I've cried on the street, for a friend,

scratch that,

for a sister,

and what do I get in return?

(Mind you, this all happened within one day,

today.

Just now.)

Answer:

a broken heart.

All I was asking for was for my sisters' heart to be spared.

Is that too much?

x

Not everyone's a perfect communicator,

turns out a portion of those who have this problem,

just need time to overcome it.

So glad you're back,

it's been a long while since,

the wait, longer still.

B.

It's one of those days where I actually

*wait for this*

miss my dad.

My feelings

are in return,

reflected of the weather -

a Red Rainstorm.

Must be teenage hormones.

B.

"Who wants to be ridin' high when you'll just crumble back on down.

You give up everything you are and even then you don't get far.

They make believe that everything is exactly what it seems.

But at least when you're at your worst you'l know how to feel things..."

It was as if you've lifted me up sky-high,

and let me free-fall to the ground,

Ka-Bam.

This isn't even the fear one feels while on board one of those

turbo drop rides in theme parks and fairgrounds,

because at least they let you know from the start that

the whole point of the ride is to feel the thrill of the dip.

What you've done here is cruel :[

You let me know you wanted one thing,

and acted the reverse on the next day.

I'm heartbroken.

B.

Do you ever let yourself go down the path of 'wrongfulness',

knowing exactly what's ahead?

I've done exactly that,

and the cycle repeats itself.

Thought this time, somewhere down the path

there might actually BE something different.

Just when I've begun to put in some hope,

there,

I'm thrown deep down into a trap hole again,

on my lonesome.

Oh well,

its just a matter of time when someone else comes along

to bring me up

and walk me to another one.

What else was I expecting, out of yet another one of these encounters.

Its all but the mere results of alcohol intoxication.

B

I guess things do happen for a reason.

Now, I've learnt my lesson.

I bid yet more immaturity within me, farewell,

though there are much to remain.

B.

When you play with fire,

expect to get burnt.

When you jump in the water without first knowing its the deep or shallow end,

will you sink,

or will you swim?

But either way,

you get wet.

Do I know what I'm getting myself into?

Do I know who I'm dealing with?

Can I keep my poker face,

or does it all get crushed.

I think I want to take on the risks this time,

just for the sake of some fun.

B.

Nevermind the times when all we could think about

is how good life would become when we've found

'the one'.

My life is already good,

with the batch of friends I've got.

Screw popularity,

publicity, wealth.

I got mates that's got soul.

I got mates that have a heart to give.

I got mates that actually care for one another.

Oh my,

don't know what I'll do without them.

Especially after all we've been through last night.

Signed with my unconditional love for you lot,

B.

I'm just saying,

be careful what you wish for.

Sometimes,

you already have what you need;

any excess would just cause more frustration.

Have a good think through, love.

B.

At current,

I'm feeling helplessness and resentment at the same time

simply because I'm not able and not allowed to return a dear friend

the numerous favours she's done for my sake in the past.

I'm so, so so sorry Ahnji.

Ugh.

Guilt the devil has come to haunt me.

B.

Why do we grow up through the passage of time?

A big aspect of maturity comes along as the loss of naivety,

innocence, and beliefs that once existed throughout our childhood.

That is,

the more we see of this world,

we lose hope in more and more things,

investing the remaining time and effort into events that are bound to happen.

--

Talking to a certain 'grown up' the other day,

I asked why certain people have made the life choices they did,

specifically; why did they choose to be with the people they are with,

when they have much more in them that would allow them access to individuals of higher standards. Do we, all settle at some point, for the sake of settlement, because we believe our time is through and if not now then never?

The belief that 'there is always someone made for everybody' no longer runs in their bloodstream, shrinking rapidly each and every day of their lives as singletons.

...

Really?

Is this how we'll all end up,

"He/she's alright, let's get married..."

Are dreamers destined to let hope fail them?

-B.

If there's one thing we should cherish in life,

it's not the things we obtain physically in life,

but the people in one's surroundings

who are devoted to make him happy.

Never, ever

take them for granted.

Because they don't just hang around for nothing,

or negative treatment,

forever.

A lot of times,

we hurt the ones we love without noticing.

Guess what,

it's time you did.

'Cause if warning signs arise and you still wished to ignore them

- it'll be too late, too soon.

B.

Destiny lands in our hands

likely when we least expect it.

And when it does successfully draw two people together,

it could result to be as beautiful as a blooming blossom.

Bless those who are paired and meant for each other.

B.

Excuse my absence,

for I have been busy unwinding myself for all I deserve,

after the hell-atious exams.

It's been a week of good people, good food, good times.

But why does it all feel too unrealistic?

We've been made to incorporate working or thinking about work into our daily routines,

so deeply implemented that it doesn't feel quite right to party a full week away.

And with the blink of an eye,

it's all been a year ago since this last happened.

Thank you, all of you.

It made a great difference, whether each and every one of you were here or not,

trust me.

So glad to be having such wonderful people in my life,

so fortunate.

xx

B.

Love is only beautiful when the feelings are mutual.

How cruel, immoral is the power of manipulation when it's housed under the roof of unrequited love?
I know I didn't like it;
to be cared for only when he had nothing better to do.
No one deserves to be treated like a doormat.

With the realisation of this,
I'm determined to make it clear for us
soon as the chance arrives.
It'll spare us both time, and hopefully hurt.

I don't get why my mom's simple

"Wish you a happy Birthday and good luck with the exams"

brought me a little tingle and tears to my eyes.

Happy that she remembers/cares,

sad that she's not physically here, a bit.

Just realised its the going to be the first Birthday I'll spend abroad,

it's strange.

Looks like there's many years of this to come...

xx

B.

While procrastinating on Ally McBeal,

something in the dialogue sparkled and made a lot of sense.

Man: "So you'd rather remain alone for the rest of your life?"

Ally: "I'd rather be alone than to be spending time with who I know is the wrong person".

Would you?

Her pure-minded self moves me,

that she still believes there is in fact, 'the one' waiting,

and that too many mistakes have taught her that no forced relationship

would ever result in anything good.

Does this McBeal-ism

still exist amongst eligible people?

Or is it as naive and unpractical as those who choose to

believe in unicorns?

B.

I won't mind having a fairy-tale wedding,

living a fairy-tale life...

--

If only sometimes, just sometimes,

we could know where the route ahead takes us.

If only we knew what's bound to happen and what things aren't;

who are we destined for,

what are we to achieve,

where do we land?

A girl could wonder.

B.

I love my friends.

They are the sweetest things;

just when you thought no one would catch you as you fall,

they come right up, but also give you the strength to stand up straight

it's one of the best feelings you could get from being loved.

Thank you, guys!

Now I know who'll deserve the same treatment in return.

xx

B.

Peek-a-boo,

I see...

--

but you're the wrong person!

*slams door*

__________

it's my turn perhaps,

at learning that people could be 'normal' friends.

And it's going to work this time,

I'll past this test.

:3

B.

I've just realised how hypocritical it is,

if not loserish,

for people to call others narcissistic

when it's their problem they don't like their own face enough.

Self confidence serves as the basic equipment

for someone to get a respected place on Earth,

and loving yourself is a great first-step.

I hope everyone could learn to love themselves a wee bit more today.

:D

B.

I'm starting to feel it again;

When people have been fighting at the warfront on their own for too long,

it's no longer an act of courage,

but solidarity.

Loneliness rushed behind my back today,

attacking me at the weakest hour.

I heard our song deep into the night,

and even our not so glorified past

seemed worthy of reminiscence.

Loneliness,

it's an ugly thing, isn't it?

B.

Where Do Lonely People Go?

Just to feel that little wrenching of muscles clasping at your heart,

the air pipe of your lungs tightening for a second, drenching air out;

that feeling of a heartbreak, once in a while,

through movies, books, tv shows...

it makes me feel more alive.

And when I see that he makes the girl cry,

makes me realise I have company and its quite alright to feel sad.

Out of all the emotions god has given us,

this is my favourite outlet.

Its the organic cool-aid,

self-therapy.

B.

Ambient sounds

are a reminder that the Earth, now matter what happens,

is still a beautiful place.

I realise we need that sometimes,

every now and then.

http://www.whitevinyldesign.com/solarbeat/

B.

You're wrong about me.

I am in fact,

mature and strong enough

to take 'no' as an answer.

B.

It did take a while,

but I truly felt what it meant when people say

'Less is more';

it doesn't take someone to give a lot to know that they care,

it's how much they give, in proportion to what they have,

and how they do it that's important.

That's when you feel,

see,

and know.

Thank you, Ba.

B.

Have you ever wonder why certain people,

whether you like it or not,

behave in the way they do?

Do you wonder at times,

why some manage to behave more normal,

more likeable than others?

Taking action without thorough think-through,

be it that one was trying to inspire others with a new idea,

or taking the matter on their own hands to change a certain situation,

may be labelled an act of 'bravery' to a certain point,

beyond which

is pure stupidity.

As one grows,

the society expects of us to grow mentally as well;

our judgements of propriety should be somewhat proportionate to that of our age.

It is always a good idea to stand back,

preview & evaluate,

then choose to resume/stop

rather than to have gone too far without being able to put a halt to it all...

I hope you'll understand.

The attempt to solving a problem

should not involve the introduction of new problems.

Be able to think in someone else's shoes,

and the pathway to righteousness should be lit up ahead.

B.

In life, we all desire something;

a certain situation, person, objects, objectives...

is it right to say that

to live without desire is no real life at all?

Life becomes a matter of floating above time,

wasting days.

I have the desire to...

desire once again,

and not continuing to lead a soul-less, wandering life.

Let me find you.

--

Am currently stranded, luckily though, at home and not in a foreign airport.

It might be a while 'till I could return and resume that solitary lifestyle which, surprisingly, I've grown adaptive towards. Or maybe its the thought of wanting certainty; so I get enough time to complete work ahead, study for the exams, etcetera. The current holiday-like lifestyle is too good to be true.

Best of luck to others out there who are affected by the whole volcanic ash-cloud incident!

I'm thinking: gosh this world never gets old, there are new problems uprising every other minute.

x

This period of self-delusion has ended,

once and for all.

It's now what it will be,

for a long long time to come.

It's time to feel lonesome again...

B.

Is that all there is to Hong Kong?

So I was strolling in Causeway Bay today

when I found a newly established shuttle bus stop located right outside of Times Square (where the UA cinema entrance is), specialised in transporting mainland tourists around...

It then occurred to me;

that we are but, and thus only limited to being a shopper's paradise...and no more?

Completely contradicting the things I've seen just earlier this week - the culture, the geo-scapes and counting - do people have no interest whatsoever in those other things?

In a foreigners' eyes, does this city carry no value other than a destination to grab hold of the latest Chanel bag, or the new gadgets, perfumery?

Or is this all because we're becoming increasingly materialistic on the whole?

B.

Home Schveet Home.

These past few months of living abroad has exposed me to lots,

most I rant about (eg the loss of a secure environment, absence of familiar faces, convenience),

and some which I've grown to adapt, the seclusion from my immediate family,

I've actually managed to forget its importance.

Being here and now, back at home,

I realise it's the simple things that matter the most;

it's not who you're out with and what you're doing tonight,

but being with those who care, that's the most valuable of it all.

I could just live these two weeks deprived of 'social events'

but not feeling a tad bit of loneliness in me...

I love you, moms+pops

xx

B.

To you,

I only exist when you want something from me.

Too bad, woman,

that's not going to be the case from now on.

FYI, I have a life;

your 'real friends' will not be round for long

if you're not capable of thinking beyond yourself.

So irritated that even your voice, laugh, and the way you slam that door shut annoys me.

British Airways you fucking bitch.

"Britain’s biggest union, which has 2million members, has also been the biggest beneficiary of a scheme set up by the Government to improve efficiency in the workers’ rights groups.

...

The figures are likely to anger taxpayers whose holiday and business plans have been thrown into chaos by the seven days of strikes planned by BA cabin crew who are members of Unite."

-The Telegraph, 13/03/10

What on Earth happened to the idea of efficient governmental funding/planning?

Yes, go on, fund for a stupid Union that would go on strikes, sabotaging the average consumers' trust towards a nation-wide company and see what that does? Do you think BA would ever recover from the kind of reputation it has set forward now - same time next year, would customers not be choosing other airline companies, anything BUT BA for their choice of service?

Then comes the down-spiralling effect - less revenue, less benefits for the staff, more complaints and dissatisfaction from the workers, hence more injections of taxpayer's money into this so called 'Union';

what did they think the end result of the strike was going to be anyway? Well with the amount they're funded with, they could almost afford to build an extra in-flight swimming pool for each plane they've got.

Seriously? It doesn't take another Gordon Brown to figure where this would lead to.

If only it'd begin to look at the bigger picture and not try to draw water out of a drying well during a drought.

Think people, THINK!

And I WANT TO GO HOME, BITCH.

Stop interfering with every one and all of the flights I've booked with you.

This whole BA Strike frenzy is NOT going to happen to me after this school year,

simply will avoid all costs to book flights under them.

B.

We were taught not to judge a book by it's cover,

but how can we not?

It's almost a basic survival instinct,

to look and make a judgement of something's suitability;

the stronger the one's eye, the better the chances of picking the right food,

running away from potential harmful situations

and etc.

This applies to those amongst our own species as well,

that's why god gave us our own unique appearance;

a physical sense of identity.

I also believe it delivers more than that -

it has an influence on how the person has been brought up,

hence what he has gone through in life,

and ultimately the person he has become.

Certain facial features are indicators of particular personality traits;

eg. someone who doesn't keep their mouth closed when it's not being used would appear less self conscious, attentive as one that does -

therefore, whether a face is attractive or not isn't a shallow judgemental process of someone's character, but a very primal check-up done at the back of everyone's minds,

prior to further approaches are being made.

Does that make sense?

B.

Phew!

What a weekend;

it's all been so fast, with all the fun coming in bulks,

that it's kinda hard to grab hold of.

Well here are a few glimpses of the night with Passion Pit

(show which was opened by the fabulous Ellie Goulding)

Anyhoo,

ever come across people who mean no harm but are often out to send the wrong signals?

Is it their problem or does it lie within our own self as we take it in the wrong direction?

So the satisfaction derived from flirting is actually an ego-building experience; getting someone to be attracted is merely a reminder/an act of self-assurance.

Mind you, I was enchanted;

that was, until I woke up and realised where it would all head to again.

Not worth it.

B.

Do you believe in star signs, astrology, zodiacs,

and that kinda shit?

Another one of mankinds attempts at understanding one thing in relation to another,

the interaction between different personality prototypes;

well?

I'd much rather be the sheep under the Chinese Zodiac than belonging under the sign;

the life of an animal could seem so much more pleasurable sometimes -

communication is direct ("bah" for yes, "baa-ah!" for no, you get the gist of it),

there's no confusion, no mis-communications,

and therefore no frustrations,

because besides searching for prey,

surviving the wilderness,

breeding,

and maybe being smitten for mutton,

they don't need to do anything else.

Breeding probably doesn't even involve affection.

On that note...

nevermind I don't think I could stand being a sheep anymore.

But I'm just saying,

how about life without miscommunications?

B.

Okey,

maybe it doesn't look as good as it actually tasted;

but I could guarantee its edible,

and I had a lot of fun.

True, it's just simple cooking,

and for god's sake there wasn't even any fire involved,

but I'll be honest,

(and this honesty comes at the price of making me look extremely stupid and over-protected all my life, which might be true to an extent)

prior to this, I've never bought and prepared mushrooms in my life.

I didn't even recall the fact that the stem of the mushroom is removed before it's sliced.

But I do now, after dealing with it for the second time (the latter half of the pack).

Naively, the amount of satisfaction that could be derived from stirring up an 'edible' dish (something that doesn't torture the senses) is surprisingly high;

Food produced through the act of cooking isn't only for the stomache,

it is also food for the soul,

through which a person learns to think logically,

searching for the best possible methods to perform tasks in an orderly, efficient manner,

yet incorporating a sense we all have, located on the tip of our tongues,

to manage the quality of this output.

Now, if only I had a stove and am not limited to the rice cooker...

Not that I'm unappreciative of it (thanks mom&dad!)

:]

-B.

After working like a dog for the past few days,

whipping up assignments and going on till late at night,

I decided to let myself chill a bit and get by the evening watching TED talks.

Came across this one by Gordon Brown on how technology could be used to bring around important messages so to prevent a lot of unnecessary unfortunate events from happening;

where he is quite a powerful speaker (as with most leaders, duh)

I felt that it lacked concrete substance -

the idea was merely such as one of those comparative analysis essays you write in year 10 for cultural studies or whatever it is;

it's inconclusive.

That's when its come to my realisation that

everyone does something to get noticed;

whether they are shining the spotlight on themselves,

or are 'hiding' from the public,

whatever it is that they do, in the end,

there is really just one ultimate goal that they want to achieve

- there is a desired effect, certain response they want from the targeted individuals.

Sadly, no one gets everything they ever want all the time,

so sometimes it depends on fate,

or purely, in the case that the signal has been received,

whether the recipient wants to give into his/her needs or not.

I read somewhere that eversince we were babies,

we've developed the concept of deceiving people, deceiving our parents,

so we get what we want.

It comes with growing up and being alive,

being assertive/aggressive with our wants is as primal an instinct as running away from potential harm, distracting predators, searching for food,

which is why a story like this really impresses me.

Christopher McCandless was able to throw away all he had,

literally, run Into the Wild,

begin living a fresh life,

starting from zero.

Even then,

there is still a part of me that is convinced that deep down,

he wanted his parents to be reacting to his leave in a certain way,

so he becomes the catalyst of their desire to fix things within the household,

and not let the so-called 'family' crumble as it did when he left.

-B.

Completely stressed out,

because I'm feeling bothered and it's becoming impossible to concentrate.

Supposedly, I'm to have written quite a bit of the 4000 words due in for Monday but

Bah-humbug.

I can't.

*sketch by Danny Roberts from the Sundance Channel

Instead it's resulted in hours and hours of youtub-ing/wikipedia-ing/blog-browsing.

I came across the sundance channel and instantly fell in love with it.

--

On the other hand,

I'm feeling quite guilty.

Guilty for the fact that I've turned into such a materialistic person,

such a city girl (life without cards, phones, is almost limited to no life at all),

constantly thirsting for replicates of objects that are similar to others that I already own, except perhaps more in-trend and updated.

Why do we crave these things?

Yet, if human beings didn't look forward,

aren't constantly on the move to strive for better,

we would've never gotten this far.

Dilemma.

x

-B.